We like to do IMprovisation, which is improv via instant messenger, to that note we’ve come up with several improvised conversations about dangerous activities. Special thanks to Semper
(Lizard Camping)
Adam: You know anything about lizards?
Sean: Poisonous ones?
Adam: semi
Sean: Like nausea but not death?
Adam: depends on if it gets you more than once
Adam: you know it’s better if we both get out of the sleeping bag and look this up
Adam: I don’t think it’s safe to just say ‘ hey that poisonous lizard is PROBABLY not fatal
Sean: Well the iPad is closer to you, and I’m warm.
Adam: They go for warm! think cold thoughts…
Adam: so cold…
Adam: mind over matter…
Adam: just mind over.. *fuck* god dammit *fuck* he got me twice *fuck* shit that’s three, he got me three times
Sean: And for the record I said, ” it doesn’t LOOK fatal.”
Adam: you pick NOW to rub that in?
Adam: I’m chock full of potentially fatal venom here, the lizard is still in the tent, I think he’s just tired… but still angry
Sean: Okay I learned this from an Italian renaissance physician. *cuts arm*
Sean: It’s called blood letting
Adam: ow!
Adam: He didn’t even bite my arm
Sean: Oh wait are these lizards carnivorous?
Adam: how the hell do I know, it bit me it didn’t cover me in barbeque sauce
Sean: Well what does the always truthful Wikipedia say?
Adam: lizard: a member of the reptile family they… this isn’t helpful!?
Adam: I tried poison lizard but I got a german punk band
Adam: I think I’m getting dizzy
Sean: Oh your supposed to only let half a pint out!
Adam: oh shit I’m still bleeding
Adam: damnit man, get a rag, give me your shirt
Sean: And that’s my nice shirt your using as a touniqit
Adam: well if mister 17th century medicine weren’t try to goddamn leech me we wouldn’t be in this predicament
Adam: Look just call for help
Adam: use your phone
Sean: Oksy….ah….no can do I switched to t-mobile. No service. I did see a telegraph at the rangers station, let’s go down and send a distress…
Adam: Dude, I’m seeing double and I think I taste pennies, this isn’t good, can you please go down there and go straight there and send for help…
Adam: I’ll just lay here, maybe sleep some, *FUCK* goddamned lizard got my ear
Adam: get him out
Adam: get it out
Adam: get it
Adam: get it
Adam: goddammit get the fucking lizard
Sean: Sure…. Want anything from the convenience store?
Adam: Yes, a helicopter! just go get help!
Adam: fucking go!
Sean: Got it!!
Sean: Awwww he’s so cute….look he’s licking me
Adam: don’t play with it, snap his neck and throw it outside
Adam: and.. why are you still here?! I’m sweating like a pig and why is it so cold?
Sean: Okay I’m gone. Come on Mr. Bitey. Lets get the baby a helicopter
**Time Passes **
Sean: *panting* okay I called the heliocopter, but….
Adam: whuzzat? whooo? freidreick is that you?
Adam: The germans are coming!
Adam: You’ve got to save the mermaids
Sean: *slap* get a hold of yourself man! Mr. Bitey is a Mrs. Bitey, and I found out they like to lay there eggs in the chest of creatures they bite more than five times. How many times were you bit!!!
Adam: hunh? like 4 or 12 or hey are you dressed like a pirate?
Adam: wait eggs!?
Adam: what?
Adam: is that why I’m so itchy?
Sean: Yes, 4 or 12? Okay buddy grab my hand we are going to get you through this. Oh God you’re all swollen. Now I have some bad news.
Sean: The males are twice as big and spit a blinding venom. The eggs hatch in 12 hours and the babies are twice as deadly as the adults.
Adam: That’s okay I’ve only been asleep here for an hour while you went to the ranger station… and dressed like a pirate?
Adam: How long have I been asleep….?
Sean: It’s been 6 hours. You wouldn’t wake so I went to the campground next door and played poker with some pirates who couldn’t pay.
Sean: But the helicopter is here by now i think…let’s not argue. Let’s just go
Adam: Poker? Helicopter, what? I hate you so much right now, why is the floor moving
Sean: Umm.,,that’s the bad news. It started to rain and the hillside has been flooding, that’s heavy rain running under the tent.
Adam: Oh for gods sake, let’s go to the goddamned helicopter they can help us – Jesus baby lizards! They’re so fast!
Adam: cover your eyes!
Sean: Yeah this species has more of a membrane than a shell. You’ll feel them more around as they burrow near your heart
Sean: Ah….oh you mean those baby lizards!
Sean: Here hold Mrs. Bitey
Adam: What?! Why would you still have, OH GOD MY EYES and MY HEART AND MY EYES AND OH GOD
Adam: *Adam Dies*
Sean: (I worry for us sometimes, I think this might actually happen in an emergency)

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