Attention all gamers! You may or may not know of “The Game Dame” But she’s a deadly beautiful gamer-geek-girl who can frag your heart into little tiny gibs. So rarely does someone fill my life bar like her, that I had to do an interview. So without further ado, I present the exclusive “GAME DAME INTERVIEW”

( see her site at www.thegamedame.com )

Question 1: What is your name and Occupation?

I write video game reviews and industry tidbits as The Game Dame.

Question 2: Who would you say you’re biggest demographic is?

The same demographic that knows what show the following quote is from without having to do a Google search: “I’m so excited! I’m so excited! I’m so… so… SCARED.”

Question 3: Who would win in a fight between an astronaut and a caveman? (no weapons)

Caveman. No doubt. It’d go down like this: The astronaut would try to calculate the best method for destroying the caveman… drawing out blueprints and all that. While he’s busy hypothesizing, the caveman would come over and bash his head in.

Question 4: What are your physical measurements? (What are your spiritual measurements)

Left wrist: 5.75″ around,

Right pinky: 2″ long,

Length of blank space between my shoulder tat and tramp stamp: 13.25″

Question 5: Do you name your breasts? (If so provide names, If not provide names)

Okay, let’s name them now.

Left: Itty

Right: Bitty

Other?: n/a

Question 6: Ever play D&D? (Live action or Table Top ­ give detail)

Nope.

Question 7: What is your Favorite Video game weapon and why?

Anything that causes such an explosive impact that it sends rag doll bodies flailing through the air (rocket launchers, grenades). Those flailing bodies make me laugh. Does that make me a bad person?

Question 8: Describe your ideal alien abduction

Ignignot and Er would pick me up and spend a day teach me their advanced ways. We ¹d probably start the day flying around doing art installations like the one they did in Boston. DAMN, YEAH!

Question 9: What is your Favorite Color/Number/Ice Cream/Food/Game/Actor?

/Pink

/9

/Talenti’s Toasted Almond Gelato

/Human Souls

/Of the moment? Pac Man C.E.

/Parker Posey

Question 10: In many movies a suitor will perform an amazing stunt to impress the girl and gain her hand in marriage, Like jumping a motorcycle through a ring of fire and into a dinosaur’s mouth who has halitosis. What stunt would I have to pull off to win YOUR hand?

The motorcycle stunt is sooo 2006. Girls like me really have to be impressed. You’d have to somehow defeat the ultimate God of Cool: Chuck Norris. It’s not easy. But neither am I.

Question 11: Give me an example of a question you definitely wouldn’t answer here.

“Were you the one that put the empty milk carton back in the fridge yesterday?”

Question 12: Want to Fight?

I’d hate to embarrass you on your own turf.

Question 13: Cats like to eat fish right? So they make fish flavored cat food. Now dogs like to eat cats right? So why don ¹t they make Cat flavored dog-food?

I wish I knew. This will be added to the list of questions that keep me awake at night. Also on my list of sleep-depriving questions: “If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” and “Why is the letter “W” called double u and not double v?”

Question 14: What is your ultimate goal Career/Personal?

I’m working on putting together a Game Dame show. I’m tired of watching girl video game news hosts who have no connection to the words they’re reading off of the teleprompter. If everything goes as planned, I’ll help redeem the reputation of the girl gamer TV personality.

Question 15: Write a Haiku about yourself

Gamer. Writer. Nerd.

Introducing the Game Dame.

The Game Dame (dot) com

Question 16: Biggest Accomplishment thus far?

I’d say it’s a pretty big accomplishment that people want to interview me. I think that’s weird.

Question 17: What would YOU do for a Klondike bar?

I’d play a round of Mario Kart 64 for it. Winner gets the ice cream.

Question 18: Some People only know you as the goddess-shaped-woman-of-their-dreams, so whats something embarrassing about yourself to knock you off your high and mighty throne?

When I was in middle school, a bunch of the cool kids invited me to hang out with them at the water park. I had a humongous crush on one of the guys in the group, so I was trying to impress him all day. I’d even bought a new bikini for the occasion. About halfway through the day, it became pretty obvious that my crush had no mutual interest, so I gave up on the courtship and went on The Lazy River ­ a 20 minute or so inner tube ride ­ with a group of the girls. At the end of the ride, you go down this slide and splash into the pool. I splashed, came up out of the water and started walking back to the cool kids group. They’d all gathered together at a picnic table. Walking up to them, I noticed that the entire line of people waiting for their turn on the Lazy River was looking at me. And smiling.

They seemed impressed. I started feeling cocky about it. Forget about that stupid crush, that whole line was interested! That’s when one of the girls ran over to me and pulled my bikini top back down over my boobs. I’d just flashed about 100 people and about 20 of them were from my school. I was mortified.

Question 19: Your Favorite Expletive?

Shit. It’s such a great word. It starts off with “sh” as in “shut up” and ends with “it” – a short, no questions asked conclusion.

Question 20: Ask your own question of me here.

If you could hang out with any cartoon character, who would it be and what would you do together?

Reply: Picture this: I’m sitting at the bar toasting with my buddy and a girl walks up and says “Hey who’s your friend?” and I smile and look at her and reply “CAPTAIN “N” BITCH!” and then high-five my cartoon homeboy captain N, and then maybe he shoots her with a light zapper or something.

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A Thousand thank you’s to “The Game Dame” who remains my hero and she’s totally *promised to show up naked at my door carrying the classic Golden Zelda cartridge and a bottle of whip cream. Kind of makes YOU wish you’d done an interview huh?

*-Promised = Not said at all