Caffeine-Laced Coffee Rant

I’m a fan of coffee, we all know this. What you don’t know is that I have imbibed the “Brown Juice of Justice” as i call it in order to transcend all mortal boundaries and feel my way clumsily through the NeverVerse (patent pending) to a rapid, pants-pissingly accelerated enlightenment. Sure, we could hypothesize all day that maybe I’m just sensitive to caffeine. OR MAYBE I AM CHOSEN BY THE GODS BENEATH TO BREATHE PRISMATIC ESPRESSO FIRE AT YOUR SOULS. It really could be either one.

All I know is that above a certain coffee-based speed, time slows down, and beyond the beyond, lies the reverse. When the sum of all observable matter collapses around you in a flash and matter is pulled inward to an inevitable beginning; There lies the dormant cells of the universe that came before in a reality based on what some would call “Spooky stuff” or “The world of Dragons” Dragons are bitching, they should have a whole universe of lizard people that breathe fire. But they pay taxes and drive silly cars and go to plays about wingless pink skinned worm people who punch the sun.

I’m fairly certain that I can peel back the film of reality like the screen cover on your phone and find out that in fact, yes, we can scratch at our perceptions beneath (and this reality is filthy). Leaving rifts in time and space that pour out dirty jokes and pop music from the veil of souls. I’m off topic though. What I wanted to say is that I got a new coffeemaker and that shit is fire. Love you all, you’re nothing but atoms. Peace.

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