If you’ve ever meandered around in the dirty and terrifying world of online dating. You’ve probably had to fill out the dreaded headline. The “Tagline” for your whole failed sex-life that led you to whoring yourself out on a glorified shopping cart to sell your genitals to other people who are as suspicious as they are lonely. Which is to say, extremely (both).

I’ve worked forever trying to find the perfect headline with mixed results. However I’ve finally decided to swing to the other side of the old fence and come up with the absolute worst OK Cupid Profile Headlines.

Here’s a quick-tip You’re welcome to use these, but we’re not responsible for what you’ll end up getting. ENJOY!



My list of Terrible OK Cupid Headlines

  • Sexually Frustrated Dwarf Seeks Snow White
  • Bitter Antagonist Seeks Arch-Nemesis
  • My Entire Life is a Lie
  • I Cannot Love Anyone and I’m poor.
  • My Apartment Smells like Chickens
  • Imaginary Person With Delusions of Grandeur
  • Fake Profile to Get Your Credit Card
  • Abusive Alpha Male with Drinking Problem
  • Transgender Feminist Hates Men and Women… Just Looking!
  • I am Donald Trump
  • Indiana Jones Seeks Temple of Matrimony
  • Hateful Bastard Wants to be Left Alone
  • Guy who lives in Car wants smelly chick who hates Gluten
  • Complete Stereotypical Bro looking for Tang
  • My Anger Issues Need Serious Addressing also Obey Me
  • Divorced / Widowed a Matter of Perspective
  • Super Shy Person with Strong Judgmental Attitude
  • Walmart Greeter seeks Billionaire Baroness
  • Super Fucking Christian
  • Polymorphic Androgynous Pansexual Seeking Everything
  • I Will Fuck Your House Plants
  • I Will Not Fuck Your House Plants
  • Grammer Nazee Judging All Youre Stupid Faces
  • Lover of Love in all Ways (No Blacks)
  • Open Minded Catholic Seeks Exact Clone
  • Totally Not a Hooker for 500$
  • I’ll Identity Theft Your Heart
  • Man baby seeks Mother Figure for Angry Tirade
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