State Superiority (3)
2:56:57 PM sikkitten: how’s life in the cool state?
2:57:18 PM weaselbringer: pretty amazing, they changed all the air in california to cherry flavored
2:57:33 PM weaselbringer: and now when you crash your car they give you a jet and a handjob
2:59:48 PM sikkitten: That does sound nice
2:59:52 PM sikkitten: but I don’t have a car
3:01:49 PM sikkitten: so I would miss out on that perk
3:02:06 PM sikkitten: guess I’ll have to wait until I’m employed and have a car before moving back to CA
3:02:57 PM weaselbringer: oh there’s no unemployment anymore, now if you don’t have a job they give you a state funded job eating doritos and watching TV at double your old wages
3:03:16 PM sikkitten: …yeah
3:03:17 PM sikkitten: but
3:03:33 PM weaselbringer: plus arnold Schwarzenegger comes by your house once a week and gives you a high five and a peptalk
3:03:55 PM sikkitten: I want to have a job as a graphic designer, and before I get that I want to get a degree that says I can do so
3:04:10 PM sikkitten: though Arnie coming over to high-five me sounds pretty sweet
3:05:33 PM weaselbringer: that’s fine, everything here is digital now, so you just upload some art to www.Californiaiswaybetterthananywereelse.com and someone mails you a check for 8 million dollars (or 6 million Euros) (( or 200,000 hotpockets ))
3:06:08 PM sikkitten: um, yeah…their site appears to be down
3:06:37 PM sikkitten: so I suppose I’m just going to have to work on finishing my Bachelor’s until they get it up and running again
3:06:52 PM sikkitten: I do like hotpockets.
3:07:27 PM sikkitten: wait a minute…you can only get 200,000 hotpockets for 8mil? That exchange rate seems a little off
3:10:45 PM sikkitten: You know, I always kind of thought that artificial Christmas trees would cost LESS than real ones because, well…they aren’t even REAL.
3:11:07 PM weaselbringer: hotpockets are worth their weight in gold here now, some sort of craze
3:11:24 PM weaselbringer: fake trees cost more because they last forever, and don’t make a mess
3:11:29 PM sikkitten: That’s stupid
3:11:42 PM sikkitten: I wanted a tacky weird colored tree
3:11:51 PM sikkitten: and found out that it would cost me way more than a real one
3:11:53 PM weaselbringer: although in California, everyone is given a LIVE 400 FOOT redwood tree
3:11:53 PM sikkitten: AND
3:12:00 PM weaselbringer: and your house is renovated to fit
3:12:10 PM sikkitten: that was going to be my next question
3:12:34 PM sikkitten: also, how do you reach the top to decorate
3:12:35 PM sikkitten: ?
3:12:43 PM sikkitten: and where do you get that many decorations?
3:12:56 PM weaselbringer: nothing like gathering around the old extensible crane to decorate your 2000 year old king of trees with garlands made from 747 lighting cables
3:13:04 PM sikkitten: and how do the hippies feel about all those old-growth redwoods being cut down?
3:13:37 PM sikkitten: nevermind
3:13:46 PM weaselbringer: they’re not cut down, they’re moved, live, at enormous expense. Which is funded by our sales of promises to hang out with other states but we probably won’t
3:14:11 PM sikkitten: no wonder CA’s economy is suffering…
3:14:30 PM sikkitten: Anyway, Redwoods only come in tree color or dead tree color
3:14:34 PM sikkitten: I want pink, or blue
3:14:41 PM sikkitten: maybe purple or silver foil
3:15:01 PM weaselbringer: I think you mean california red, or superior blue
3:15:05 PM weaselbringer: our state colors