More quotes of mine that aren’t famous yet, but will be soon, I’m pretty sure…

General Quotes

  • People drink to erase their pain and solve their problems, which is impossible, but worth a shot.
  • Hindsight isn’t 20/20 with a hangover
  • I blog, therefore, I have too much free time
  • Sometimes when I get out of the shower and no one is around, I pretend I’m a Rock Star.
  • Clever sayings are a way of avoiding simple truth

Pick up lines:

  • Hey, You’d look pretty good, crumpled up on my floor in the morning, regretting tonight.
  • Let’s not think, let’s not make decisions, let’s just keep drinking
  • Give me your number (Surprisingly, it works sometimes)
  • Hey, want to have awkward 3rd base action, where I fall asleep and you leave in a cab hating yourself?
  • Boy, maybe it’s the 8 shots of Jaeger but you are MODERATELY attractive…

Advice for Children:

  • When you grow up, every problem you have will be magnified by a thousand, but you’ll be dead inside and won’t care
  • You’ve got maybe a 5-6 year window of attractive in which to nail down someone to annoy forever, use it.
  • EVERYONE is smarter than you, and knows when you’re lying
  • That thing you do at night is normal, D & D happens to most children at some point
  • You’re pretty much under control until I can’t pin you anymore, remember that


  • Death is like the big brick wall at the end of this road, it’s inevitable, but I have an air-bag
  • When you get to hell, there’s a long hallway, second door on the right says “Employees Only” Find me there
  • I think more people are afraid of life than death
  • When you die, your soul becomes a potato and is eaten by the Irish… Fucking Irish
  • Eternity is really a punishment, the fact that life blissfully ends permanently is both atheist and the only thing that gives me hope.

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