Me: You listen here Coffee. I have a very particular set of skills and I will find you, and I WILL drink you.

Coffee: …

Me: No Mr. Coffee, I expect you to die.

Coffee: *swirls*

Me: We’re not so very different You and I Coffee…

Coffee: *gets colder*

Me: Oh who am I kidding? You had me at “…”

Coffee: …

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