Birthday Post (or What I’ve learned in 28 years)
Here’s a list of some of the important things I’ve learned in 28 years:
- Your greatest hopes and dreams from when you are younger will morph and fade away and become an urge to create a 401k
- Always tip a dollar a drink at the bar.
- You simply cannot eat an entire wheel of cheese without severe consequences
- Don’t mix alcohol types in one night, if you HAVE to, limit it to 2 types MAXIMUM
- The few times when you think you look really awesome, your fly is probably down
- Awkward moments are hilarious and should be treated as such
- Music, Movies and all Forms of mass entertainment aren’t nearly as important as you thought they were
- It’s okay to re-read books
- The best pick-up line is “Hello, my name is _______”
- A tomato is neither a fruit nor a vegetable, but a spy for the coming alien armada
Here’s a list of the things I’ve FAILED to learn in 28 years, but should have:
- You simply cannot eat an entire wheel of cheese without severe consequences.
- You can’t get famous or rich off of being ‘Awesome’
- While your friends think you’re funny, it’s best not to assume that you are funny to everyone
- When a girl you don’t know smiles at you, check behind you to see if her boyfriend is there
- Tell your friends you love them, but not in front of their coworkers, or they will look at you weird
- Don’t call other peoples parents mom/dad/ma/pa/bitch/asshole
- I can’t dance
Here’s a list of the things I want to do before I’m 30
- Get written about in a magazine
- Make money off the internet
- Write a novel
- Play Night-Time Frisbee
- Burn the Confederate Flag
- Make the best sandwich ever
- Make a 401k… or a threesome, whichever comes first
You’re OLD!