I recall one time as I was working as a grocer for a Thebian Produce company, that a particularly difficult customer provided me with a connundrum, He wanted a basalt colored turnip genetically meshed with the flavor of Pez candy, he claimed it was very important and neccesary for his line of work (attorney?) However I set off at once to fullfill this arduous task, I drove 73 miles to his home address, slaughtered his family in a terrible bloodbath with the only object available to me at the time, an over-sized turnip that I had in the backseat of my 74′ Ford Falcon. And having beaten to death this mans entire family I simply drove to the mall and purchased several basalt colored overalls and placed the dilapidated corpses in them. I then returned back to the produce company towing his bleeding loved ones mangled bodies from the back of the vehicle. When the man, patiently waiting for my return, viewed my current state and the condition of his erstwhile family, he became greatly distressed, but ever the customer service afficianado – I simply handed him the bloody turnip and calmly told him that while I couldn’t get a basalt turnip flavored like pez, I did kill his whole family… in basalt. He was still distressed slightly over the manged state of the oversized turnip, he was so overjoyed he became catatonic with pleasing shock, and that, dear interviewer, is why I deserve this job…. Also I will eat you. (just repeat that verbatim)

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