Not Yet Famous Quotes

Here’s some of my (almost) famous Quotes:

• Life is all about gathering enough boring stories to last you the rest of it.
• It’s like my father used to say to me, “Son, it’s time I told you about the Birds and the Bee’s – It’s called inter-species dating and I never want to catch you doing it!” Thanks Dad.
• It’s all fun and games and someone loses an eye!
• After I’m dead, I want people to remember me in a way they don’t remember anyone else. That’s why I’m dedicating my life to making a tombstone that flies around and makes dick jokes and can’t be shut down. It will be like I never left.
• Cannibalism is a redundant second word for Carnivore… it’s all meat, delicous delicious meat.
• People always come up to me and ask “Do you have the time?” I think that’s so racist.
• If I had to list off the 7 most important people in my life, 3 of them would be video games and one might still be left blank.
• It’s like I’m flying without a Kite, ya know?
• Prison isn’t that bad, I’ve stayed at places where the food was awful, I was afraid of getting stabbed, I couldn’t leave my room, and I had to PAY for it, and THAT was a hotel!
• I hit my spirit animal wtih a car, now I have a spirit carcass, which I draw on in times of great need. It doesn’t do anything but it makes me feel safe.
• When I was young and angry at my parents, I used to wish I was adopted. Now that I’ve gotten older and wiser, I realized that I’ve had it all wrong. I wish I was adopted… By Rich People.