IMprov: Internal Penguin Wound

Sean: i once ate a penguin whole

Sean: well not all at once, but the whole thing

Adam: Are you okay

Adam: oh

Adam: well like what over the course of a week

Adam: I mean, I could eat a whole horse, given a lot of time

Sean: nope one sitting

Adam: and it wouldn’t be anything special

Adam: HOW LONG WAS THE SITTING

Sean: hour and a half….lots of gristle

Sean: kept the beak for a necklace

Adam: well there you go

Adam: not a WHOLE penguin

Adam: if I eat a WHOLE horse but keep the head and tail for a mantlepiece …

Adam: which would be amazing

Adam: I haven’t really eaten a whole one have I?

Sean: its not like you can digest the beak…but for sake of argument I just swallowed my necklace

Sean: now i know you going to say well thats not one sitting

Adam: actually I was going to tell you to see a doctor

Adam: that might really hurt you

Adam: consider my needs satisfied

Adam: but you could be in some trouble

Sean: oh god! why?

Adam: don’t sleep on your stomach for like a week

Adam: it’s a BEAK man, who the hell would eat that

Adam: …

Sean: well i didnt want to seem a liar

Adam: you might die

Sean: ive had worse

Adam: like that time you swallowed a rhino horn?

Adam: This is nothing compared to that

Adam: Those beaks are like little diamond knives with an agenda

Adam: a rhino horn is like an unripe banana

Sean: well now see what you….oh god….i just burped up blood

Sean: im good im good

Sean: i got this

Adam: ugh dude, look down

Sean: and that rhino horn didnt even get me aroused

Sean: is that my blood

Adam: it’s not mine

Adam: except for that old stain from when we played razorblade flick football

Sean: well i think some of it is teh penguins

Sean: that was fun

Sean: AND THE REST IS MINE

Adam: Yeah call 811 we’re in a lot of trouble

Sean: what will traffic updates do for us right now?!

Adam: that’s 511

Adam: 811 is the less urgent emergency service

Adam: or is that emergencies in russia…

Adam: anyway

Adam: But it’s just a little blood loss

Adam: whoa

Adam: a lot

Adam: a lot of blood loss

Sean: well im not fluent any more and the russian i did know isn’t spoken

Adam: dear god, just rip out these floors and start anew dude

Adam: sigh

Sean: some is the penguins

Adam: fine I’ll drive you – but in YOUR car

Sean: ill lay in the back of the truck….just get me….oh wait i got….oh no….here it.,..nope i think its wedged into my stomach

Sean: im not bleeding anymore either…i think…is that good or bad?

Adam: well

Adam: maybe because you’re laying down

Adam: or you might just be on empty

Adam: judging by the rate you were going

Sean: how does my face look?

Adam: Were you always translucent?

Sean: like im becoming invisable

Adam: well no but I think we should hurry

Adam: umm, just elevate your stomach and try to bleed into your mouth

Adam: here’s some knitting needles, some yarn and some gatorade

Adam: I was on my way to grandmas for the packers game so I had all this ready

Sean: okay i can use this…

Sean: gargle gargle gargle

Adam: um, don’t gargle yarn

Adam: you’re really messed up man

Adam: I think we might just want to stop at the morgue

Adam: I have a cousin that works there

Adam: the one that never dates…

Adam: I don’t want to make things sound bad, but I think we may be wasting our time at the ER

Adam: let me mapquest the morgue, actually, call 511

Sean: why do you torment me. your cousin is really creepy

Adam: oh you’re awake

Adam: well we’re on our way to the hospital, yes… the hospital

Adam: where they’ll fix you… right up… *tear* buddy

Adam: You’ll live a long life

Adam: playing with puppies

Adam: not bleeding out from an internal penguin wound

Adam: *manic laugh*

Adam: I guess that ol’ penguin got you in the end, who eats who, ya know?

Adam: *Sean Dies*

Adam: *Adam, covered in penguin and human blood, crashes into the morgue*

Adam: *THE END – Fin*

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