Dear Complaints Dept.,
About 7 years ago I found a coupon pressed between the pages of my favorite book titled “How Fat people make love with no social skills” This coupon was for a free McDonalds happy meal toy. I feel that this entitles me to a 7000 percent discount with your company and I would like 243400 Dollars credited to my account. I have never placed an order with you and refuse to do business ever again with you if you do not issue this amount to my credit card as of ten days ago. I am a New Jersey resident and not familiar with the internet (whatever that is) or any form of purchasing product for money as I was raised in a south bronx school for the disabled and have never worked a day in my life. I am very angry that this is my first email and you have still not responded as I am writing this, and I expect a reply within 23 seconds or I am requiring that you pay my student loans for Gimps community college as well, where I failed at becoming a hairdresser, which was my lifes ambition. I have to go feed my accent now as it is slowly swallowing my tongue. Please contact me by fed-ex or internet magic within 48 minutes or I will take my business elsewhere. YOU WILL BE SORRY!
Sincerely,
Magnodoodle Krazinskiowskilifyter
PS Where is the send button?
PSS nevermind
PSS my feet hurt, please compensate me for this as well