Was getting over a cold/cough last week that was dragging me down. So I stopped drinking coffee and just focused on getting better for a while. So I got back to work today and picked up my first cup of coffee in a week.

WIZARDJUICE:: I can see light travel from one point to another. I can read the minds of office equipment and my stapler hates white people and staples, which is ironic. I can sense minute changes in air pressure from mosquitos that aren’t born yet. I am currently phase-shifting through various dimensions and each one is way more purple than the last. I feel like I could throw a giraffe through a Ford Escalade or vice-versa. My mind is currently planning it’s next 90 chess moves on an imaginary game with an AI it’s also developing in concurrent tandem. I can smell time passing…
(( I missed you coffee ))

So usually I have one cup of coffee in the mornings and this weekend I only had coffee once. Then today like a genius I had a tall red bull.

My heart is a fire engine that can shoot ironic fire. I want to bench-press Batman who is bench-pressing a lion that’s loaded with gold because we’re riding that bitch to El Dorado Motherfuckers. To put the. gold. back.

My eyes can see through my eyelids and I can tell when you’re lying at 30 paces. I can type so fast I’m melting keyboards and the whole internet feels like dial-up. I just learned and forgot Japanese for the sole purpose of writing a meme to a cat who I built out of molecules. Also I can move molecules.

My brain feels like it’s full of joyous ants who are each riding bee’s into an spastic orgy of ideas. I have 9 senses and 3 of them are geared toward thinking about writing a novel about writing novels that’s geared toward illiterate ghosts.

I want to chase bullets and phase through matter. This isn’t a coffee post. This is a red bull post. You’re a red bull. All is red. I’m a bull. THIS BULL IS A DEMON AND I WILL DEFEAT IT. Why are hummingbirds so slow!?