Roommate Wanted: An Advertisement
Bi-Pedal Human seeks roommate of same genetic distinction and species. Myself and my collective enjoy a living space designed by famed artist MC Escher, and as such your domicile will occupy the 1st and 3rd bedroom as well as part of the bathroom and a space above the stairs.
Cost: The fee per month is 365-940 dollars per month or lunar cycle (your pref.) The Range is partially due to our neccesity for our ‘home-grown blood drive’ and if you are a willing participant then it would greatly help our cause and reduce your rent. This is based off pints per weekly cycle as well as your health habits.
No pets are allowed however we do keep several hundred organically fed wild finches in and around the household. Cleaning finch droppings is just one of many weekly chores, which are spread equally among the lesser caste/third of the existing roommates.
We seek and prefer a female as their tolerance to pain and suffering is higher, however there is no particular reason for this, as we are perfectly normal people with no odd habits or secrets worth telling about. HA! We are big fans of fun.
The utilities are slightly higher than you may be used to as we rely solely on nuclear power generated in a sealed room on the outer perimeter of the premises (Which is incredibly and unbelievably SAFE!). Also Cable is included in the monthly rent but we do not possess a TV and highly discourage watching content presented by the “Outside World”.
Parking is also available for one vehicle weighing 1-2 tons and no more than 9.8 feet in length, the available parking is only accessible on alternating shifts of 3-9 day cycles so for roughly a third of the month your car/vehicle will exist in a phased dimension and will be rendered un-usable.
I’m sure you have many questions and we are eager to answer any further ones you might have, please contact us at [email protected]