Many of you have heard the recent announcement regarding Dead or Alive the movie, based off the beloved (by some) game fighting series featuring large chested women. Which is a little mind blowing, because up until 2004 it was absolutely mandated by law that movies of this caliber were to be played on USA UP! all Night, crammed between Porkys #24, and The same three ‘Car Wash’ Movies played for eternity. But apparently America has grown to like breasts more (or they’ll throw buckets of money at anything) because now there’s a multi-million dollar movie contract.
But this all old news, the focus of today is the Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball game is getting a sequel. Known by people who have never gotten laid as DOA:XBV (Tecmo coincidentally is entering the Worlds Most Convoluted Acronym Contest Ever, Put on my our friends at WMCACE:USA/gg/LOL/STFU!) Not only does this sound like the worlds most intellectually devoid game of all time, but it IS! We’re assuming the conversation at Tecmo went a little something like this.
Marketing Guy: Okay boss, we’ve got a great idea to expand the DOA franchise.
Tecmo Manager: Great, let’s hear it.
Marketing Shill: Okay, here’s our idea *deep breath* We take the all the girls from Dead or Alive and drop them on a desert island, where they’ll play and run around and we’ll have them in skimpy bathing suits, and they’ll prance like retards and splash water on each other and perhaps we’ll even put in some sort of volleyball game to the make the tit physics work better and convince people we’re not just selling an anime porn simulator, What do you think?
Tecmo Manager: Isn’t that the exact premise of DOAXBV?
Marketing Assmonkey: Yeah! But we’ll call it part 2 and put it on the PS3.
Tecmo Manager: Brilliant!
Marketing Child Rapist: Thank you sir, here’s the contract and a cookie.
Tecmo Manager: oooh! Where do I sign.
And so on. This I assume is actually for the format for almost any conversation in a japanese gaming company for a new product, except sometimes they don’t get a cookie. But that’s why they work harder than us. Anyway my point being, does the world really need another, higher resolution, more tit-filled sequel to a game about Triple-D Fighting whores playing volleyball and slapping each others asses? While yes it could very well be that this is a total neccesity, feel free to comment, Is it stupid, fun, perfect, game-porn, or some combination? Your opinions don’t matter in the least, but we’ve love to make fun of them, so send away.
The Bounce, keeps bouncing back (I love their tagline)
Posted by Adam on Monday,
May 01, 2006 at 3:17 PM