Mini-Rant: Why (Non-Renewable) Fuel Cells are Stupid

I’ve read countless articles about fuel-cell technology. Which can mean a lot of different things, but lets break it down to what I think is the absolute worst…

Ethanol/Alcohol – Based Batteries for laptops and cell phones.

Oh here’s a great fucking idea, let’s gas up our cell phones. The first implementations of this technology involved actually FILLING cartridges with toxic and smelly chemicals, its since evolved to a slightly less retarded degree where you can just use pre-made cartridges and refill them automatically. Great. Except wait a minute… why the fuck am I using the tiny equivalent to gasoline in my gadgets? Some asshats will tell you that you will get a very extended battery life. They will also give you blank stare when you ask them what happens when the ethanol runs out.

Picture this, My desk is littered with an ipod, a cell phone, a laptop, and a pda, and now its also littered with many discarded alcohol cartridges and a refilling unit for which I constantly have to run to the store to get more ALCOHOL for my goddamned gadgets. Oh and it smells like a distillery, woo-fucking-hoo. Who in their right mind thought this was even an OKAY idea? Say my cell phone only runs for 4 hours, let’s make it run for 8 hours on explosive and flammable liquids that I can actually run out of, instead of plugging it into my fucking wall!

What surprises me the most is that this technology hasn’t been laughed off the planet yet. With huge increases in thermal energy transfers, solar efficiency and better polymer batteries, there’s still some crackpot developers putting fucking gas into laptops and calling it progress. You know what progress is? A battery that charges wirelessly from a panel in my house and lasts 12 hours. Do you know what a defunct idiotic stop-gap and pseudo-dangerous idea is? Putting fuel cells into things.

Next time you see some cute news article about people pushing forward the technology of fuel-cells, picture the car industry, making its slow break toward hybrid and then electric vehicles and then someone says “Hey I know, let’s rip out these electrical engines and have it run on cough syrup”. You’ll realize we’re taking a huge step back into the horrific oil-based problems we’re experiencing now.

I also know a lot of you are thinking that our power companies run off coal as well, but I’m more than ready to slap some solar cells on my house and get renewable. Its not that easy yet, but its headed that direction. So those of you that are wandering off the path of progress to play with backwards ass technology, get back on course and stop fucking with my gadgets.