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Lost Vegas: Island Paradise?

After a recent trip to Las Vegas, I decided to do a little research into how a gigantic and heavily populated city sprouted up in the middle of an arid plot of deadly desert. I found some information thats simply shocking. Hop on the Learnin’ bus with me and ride into the HISTORY (read: total equivocated facts) about the famous Las Vegas.

Giant Weird surprising fact number#1:

Las Vegas is not in a desert. Las Vegas, while appearing to be surrounded by a dusty empty desert land is actually an island surrounded by delicious sand-colored water. Due to the most cut-throat of Real estate tactics the land around it was ‘modified’ to look like sand to decrease its value to competitors. As most people are not stupid enough to wander into an endless desert, the simple fact is that no one just just tried walking a mile out of town and diving in.

Medium-Sized Amazing Fact #2:

Las Vegas is not in actuality translated from the Spanish Term “The Vegas” Its actually an offshoot of an obscure latin dialect that translates roughly to “Slot Machines and Prostitutes” Further showing the prescience of the ancient Latins who predicted putting shiny coins in noisy boxes thousands of years before the advent of the actual “Slot Machine”. We truly can learn from the past

Big Fat Fact #3:

Vegas is actually Area 51, when it was discovered by the public it was quickly covered by acres of neon lighting and concerts for singers that no one likes anymore, effectively masking it from further delving. Most of the compound is underground and full of alien technology that slows surfaces into the city above as technological improvements. But if you’ve ever seen a slot machine in a bathroom stall, you know that it took a truly alien intelligence to divine that spectacular idea.

Funny little fact in a funny little hat #4:

Las Vegas is the number one distributer of canned prunes. They don’t even grow them. I don’t know how its possible.

Fact-diddly-umptious #5:

The only possible way to understand (fully) the game of Craps is to be raised in Nevada and taught from an early age all the way into full adulthood, after 25-30 years of intent studying you may be raised to the level of “Crap-master” who are rumored to comprehend more than 84% of the games rules… On a side note: if you find yourself forced to play craps try covering your eyes with your hand and throwing your chips liberally onto the table without looking, this tends to yield a better score than actually ‘trying’.

Obscure Fact-o-Rama #6:

The game “Roulette” was invented in Las Vegas by a dyslexic psychopath named Jim Bannock Roo-lette from the French-Caribbean. Its spinning wheel and impossible odds have inspired many other games of the same name over the years such as “Russian Roulette” The act of filling one (or two) chambers in a revolver and spinning to not die. As well as the much less popular “Polish Roulette” Which involves the same concept with an Uzi. Some have even heard of distant lands practicing a spin-off called “Southern Roulette” Where the sole purpose is to guess your parentage.

Admittedly completely un-true fact #7:

The sand in the Nevada Desert was accidentally flavored in the massive cake-decorating explosion of 68′ and huge acres of endless desert now taste like vanilla and boston creme.

Well I hope that’s given you all a deeper and dirtier look into the City of Sin, The Gamblers Refuge, The family town, The Strip, The golden desert, Las Vegas. Its a deep and interesting town whose historic reverence is only eclipsed by that of the prostitutes which frequent its borders and have low low rates for people that just lost their mortgage in a poker game.

And if you do end up there, Ask for “Missy” the one with teeth.

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