“MegaMan seeks MegaWoman” [Email MegaMan]


Age: 27

Home: Robot City, Michigan

Eyes: Sorta Blue or yellow

Hair: Brown, but usually wears a helmet

Weight: 167lbs

Height: 4’10”

Marital Status: Single

Children: None unless you count my Robot Dog.

Occupation: Robotic hero designed to defeat Doctor Robotnik Wily, also a part time pastry chef.

Education: Got my GDE and have some college credits I earned at the JC on auto repair and electrician stuff.

Interests: I like Powering up my mega-blaster for ultimate fun! I love to jet ski, and snowboard. I sometimes run horizontally for hours on end shooting and killing small robots and insects.

About Myself: I am a well known superhero, I had a TV show in the 90’s that didn’t do so well, but my games have gotten more than a dozen sequels, most can’t say the same. I think of all the other 8bits out there, I’ve got the most ‘Staying Power’ also, I was designed with EVERY contingency in mind *wink wink*.

About My Perfect Match: I’m looking for a chick who is hot, Its okay if you’re robotic, organic, or cyborg. I’m open minded. I like to party and play hard. You must love power ups and mini-bosses. Oh and your favorite color HAS to be blue.

“Metroid looking for Metro” [Email Samus]

SamusAge: 24

Home: Planet Metroid, Galga System Eyes: Dark Green Hair: Blonde Weight: 132lbs

Height: 5’9″

Marital Status: Single Children: None. Occupation: Super Suited Heroine and arch nemesis of Mother Brain. Education: Have been implanted with education surpassing yours. Interests: I run both vertically and horizontally. I like rolling into a ball and dropping a lot of bombs. I’ve been known to do some acrobatics as well and I’m a crack shot. I also do a bit of light gardening.

About Myself: Did I mention that I can actually ROLL INTO A BALL? I’m not kidding, an actual ball, its smaller than me, I don’t even know how I do it, it doesn’t seem physically possible. Although I’ve found its a really bad idea after a Buffet. Oh I also run around in full combative battle armor at all times. The armor only comes off during the end of the day and on some holidays, or while escaping from an exploding planet.

About My Perfect Match: I’m looking for someone who doesn’t mind bulky armor. I like a guy who cuddles and isn’t intimidated by my collection of weaponry. I may have a freeze ray but I melt at the sight of puppies or those cute little flying brains with tentacles that aren’t evil, I want someone with similar tastes. Must love chinese food too.

“Princess needs a new Prince” [Email Princess Peach]

PrincessPeachAge: 33

Home: Final Castle, Mushroom Kingdom

Eyes: Black sometimes Blue

Hair: Blonde

Weight: 127lbs

Height: 5’3″

Marital Status: Divorced

Children: One little mushroom at home, I’m a single mother.

Occupation: Former Damsel in Distress, Currently single mother in distress.

Education: Very little except basic ‘princess training’.

Interests: I like wearing big pretty dresses, getting kidnapped every 9 or 10 hours, and I sometimes like to float.

About Myself: I used to be married to a certain well-known shiftless layabout plumber. He ran through 20 kingdoms to save me and then I’d just get kidnapped again. After he knocked me up and I was kidnapped for the 23rd time, he just stopped coming for me. He sent his no good brother to bring me the divorce papers WHILE I WAS PREGNANT IN AN EVIL CASTLE. So yeah I’ve been jilted but I’m thinking there’s still someone out there for me.

About My Perfect Match: I’m looking for anyone who is willing to give me a chance. I’m still technically royalty so a prince would be nice but isn’t required. You cannot be a plumber/electrician of any type. I’m sorry the memories are just too painful. Take a chance and give my love life a 1-up.

7 thoughts on “8-Bit Dating Service”
  1. […] own needs. New to my list of sites I dig, Crotch Mail is helping spread the love with a new post: 8-bit Dating Service. Make sure you browse the rest of the site. You’ll find hilarious gems like Best and Worst […]

  2. on the MegaMan, you have it listed as him fighting Dr. Robotnik. That’s actually Sonic’s nemesis, not MegaMan’s.

    Sorry to nerd out on you, but c’mon.

  3. I hate myself for remembering this, and needing to say it, but: Sonic fought Dr. Robotnik, Megaman was all up in Dr. Wily’s business.

    I’m going to go cry now.

  4. For Megaman his occupation shouldnt be fighting agains DR. Robotnik. It should be Dr Wily, Robotnik is from the Sonic the Hedgehog series.

  5. I realized my horrible mistake, I immediately thought robots and megaman and it all came together. I have since edited the post, although I left the original passage in to give your crazy comments relevance. 🙂

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