“PacMan Wants a Mistress” [Email PacMan]

Age: 48

Home: PacCity, Illinois

Eyes: Giant and Black

Hair: None

Weight: 300lbs

Height: 4’00”

Marital Status: Widower

Children: They’ve all gone off to maze college.

Occupation: Retired Pellet eater and ghost chaser/chasee.

Education: 4 Years of Maze college and All-state Track champion (83)

Interests: I enjoy Buffets, eating pellets, occaisionally fruit. I love to EAT.

About Myself: I’m retired now, but I feel like I’ve done my part (a million times over). Hunting ghosts and eating a hell of a lot of pellets. Thats what things were all about back then. Eating pellets, running away from the ghosts. But that just doesn’t interest me anymore. I think I’d like to open my own pellet shop some day and settle down, stop all this running around.

About My Perfect Match: I’m looking for a older gal. I used to be married but Mrs. Pacman was taken from us in a horrible ghost chasing accident… I don’t really like to talk about it. But if you like wearing bows and eating, then look me up anytime.

“Yoshi Wants to Lick You” [Email Yoshi]

Age: 20

Home: Yoshi’s Island, Snes city

Eyes: Green/Black

Hair: Spikes

Weight: 333lbs

Height: 6’9″

Marital Status: Single!!

Children: None.

Occupation: Mighty Dinosaur Steed, Egg Layer (weird I know).

Education: I have an 8 foot tongue.

Interests: I like to exercise, try new foods, any and all kinds of food. I love to party and I’m looking to party with YOU.

About Myself: NO, I don’t think you’re understanding me… I have an EIGHT FOOT TONGUE. I can pick you up with my mouth. We can’t let this go to waste. Call me, we’ll hook up you can go for a ride on the YOSHI TRAIN awww yeah I think you know what I’m saying. I also sometimes lay eggs, I’m still a guy though, its just a Yoshi species thing… Don’t let it bother you.

About My Perfect Match: I’m looking for someone who likes a little tongue action (or a lot). You should find dinosaurs sexy and probably no gag reflex would be a plus. Please no men calling! Yes I lay eggs, but I am in fact… MALE and hetero. (Trust me I’ve heard every joke you can make about making men ride me).

“Giant Apes Need Love Too” [Email Donkey Kong]

Age: 36

Home: Millstone Mayhem, DK Country

Eyes: Black

Hair: Everywhere

Weight: 527lbs

Height: 7’3″

Marital Status: Single – Never Married

Children: Donkey Kong Junior was adopted…

Occupation: Giant Ape / Tie Model.

Education: Barrel Throwing Certified…

Interests: I like throwing barrels, kidnapping the occaisional princess, a bit of rope climbing. Hanging out with my partner Diddy Kong.

About Myself: This has taken a long time to come to terms with. I’m Gay. There I said it. I love men, big hairy, oversized and over-sexed men. This is something that caused a lot of pain in my life until I came to grips with it. I came out last year, and gramps was NONE too pleased. It strained things with my best friend Diddy Kong, because he kept remembering all those times we were pressed together in a mine kart for hours at a time… Hee actually I remember those times too.

About My Perfect Match: I’m looking to experiment. I really want to find myself. I’m a big hairy sub if you can believe it and I like to be dominated. King of the Jungle I’m NOT. But I’m new to the whole scene, I’ve spent too much time in the Jungle and not enough at the clubs. So I want to go out, dress up in my favorite tie and love EVERYBODY.

6 thoughts on “8-Bit Dating Service (part 2)”
  1. I edited the post to better clarify, as DK is very gay he can’t have kids, but he did adopt DK Junior during the popularity of the film “Gorillas in the Mist”

  2. […] Round one of 8-bit dating profiles was such a hit, Crotch Mail has honored us with another dose. Now there are profiles up for Pac Man, Yoshi and Donkey Kong. Checkkit. […]

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